UltraPing Blog

Marya Mannes once wrote, “The earth we abuse and the living things we kill will, in the end, take their revenge; for in exploiting their presence we are diminishing our future.” Obviously Ms. Mannes preferred the status quo - health, sanity, logic, blah, blah, blah. Why? Green House Roulette is so much more intriguing.

In the country, weather affects everything. For five years Western South Dakota has been gripped by drought. Water and hay are vanishing. Farms and ranches are blowing away. While the government bails out victims from Florida’s Hurricanes and says, ‘South Dawho?’ our cattle are pissing dust mites. Fortunately, things are looking up.

There is some good news! Those pesky glaciers are finally melting off! Last fall an eight-nation report estimated an area of Arctic icepack the size of Texas and Kansas is gone. For those who are geographically impaired, that is an area bigger than a breadbox.

At first, news of devastating global climate change might seem a bit of a bummer. Then I read an LA Times article and had a change of heart. The article began with the usual gloom. Greenland’s ice cap is melting. Our coasts will flood from rising seawater. Inuit hunters are falling through thinning ice. Melting glaciers change ocean temperature and salinity contorting the jet stream, which results in altered weather patterns worldwide. Multitudes of species are dying off . . . It was disheartening.

Then I got to the article’s final paragraph. Bam! My faith was restored. Here the Times pointed out the perks of global warming. Seriously, the article actually ended saying: “The report is not all gloomy. A warmer Arctic could increase the number of some species, such as Arctic char, a fish. It could extend the growing season for wheat in Canada and open up now-treacherous sea routes, such as the Northwest Passage and the Northern Sea Route, which parallels Russia, for shipping and resource exploration.”

Three cheers for the LA Times! It’s true! All is not gloomy. With that glorious bit of sunshine pumped straight up my ski bibs, I was able to see things in a whole new light. I started thinking of other advantages to global warming. Soon you will agree that people from all walks of life will benefit.

For starters, Inuit Hunters will benefit! Once Inuit have nothing left to hunt there will be no need for them to risk falling through thin ice. Plus, by needing food they will be ripe for a floating (pontoons, not ice) Arctic Super Wal-Mart. “Go get ‘em, Sam.”

Boat owners will benefit! Not only will there be smooth sailing through the formerly bothersome ice of the Northwest Passage, but each summer, cruise ships will be able to run tourists straight up Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

Scuba Divers will benefit! There will be no more burning coral cuts. In fact there will be no more coral. Once all the reefs are gone, divers can pack away first aid kits and dive straight in. A little silt never cut anyone.

Canadian Wheat Farmers will benefit! You see, there is a 10% decrease in yield of corn from Midwest crops for every degree of global warming. No worries though, now wheat can take the place of corn. Think about all those scrumptious Wheat Dogs at the ball game. How about popped wheat with butter at the movies or steaming wheat on the cob? All scream ‘yummy’ to me.

While it is a bit ironic that ethanol is made from the corn crops global warming devastates, I am sure some aspiring chemist will rise to the challenge of developing ‘Wheatanol.’ Imagine Canuck Wheat Farmers having more influence than the Saudi Royal Family.

Dune-Buggy enthusiasts will benefit! The Dakotas will soon reopen for your 4-wheelin’ pleasure. Join the Mount Rushmore Nose Climb on July 4th! It will be a bugger of a challenge!

Eco-Tourism Operators will benefit! Companies could offer new “Emaciation Tour Packages.” Tourists get closer photos of polar bears and whales when they are too lethargic from starvation to meander away. In addition, long treks to Inuit villages can be avoided once they are forced to beg on the streets of Nome (or cashiering at Wal-Mart).

Finally, the next generation of Bush family politicians will benefit! Once again they can avoid addressing campaign issues, this time by distracting dehydrated voters with witty campaign phrases like; “No Kyoto Pact-No Ice Pack,” or “Dead Seals Never Flip-Flop,” even promising “No Char Left Behind.” Not to mention offering new, SPF 80 tax credits.

Well, by golly, I do feel better! Shall we spin the Roulette wheel some more?

Zoologist turned satirist Nola Kelsey is a former copywriter for an equine health products company, as well as, an editorial research assistant for one of the countries top publishers of herpetological care and maintenance books. She has just released her second book, Bitch Unleashed: The Harsh Realities of Goin’ Country, a scathing satire about the misadventures of rural relocation. Kelsey is also the wicked wit behind the political satire Keeping the Masses Down. You can read more of her writing on her website by visiting http://www.NolaKelsey.com

Dothan, AL- Every time I turn around, another Northerner is moving into my neighborhood. I’m beginning to think all my neighbors are Yankees. This is not really a problem, but obviously most of these people are not prepared for how we do things in Dothan. Here are some things you need to know before moving to Dothan.

Never order a bottle of pop or a can of soda in Dothan. It’s referred to as, “Coke”. You don’t have to worry about getting the wrong beverage; the waitress will always ask “what kind of Coke”? If she doesn’t ask, she’s from the North and you have the right to correct her for her failing.

If you order tea, expect for it to be sweetenedand iced. If you want hot tea or unsweetened tea you’ll be wise to let somebody know that you’re not from around here.

We are fully aware of high the humidity is in Dothan; we’ve lived here our whole lives. Look around at our senior ladies; they didn’t get their great complexions out of a bottle. If you don’t believe it have a look at the seniors who spent their whole lives in the dessert. Be thankful for the humidity, we are.

We are also aware of how hot it is in the summertime. We don’t complain about it, we sit in the shade, we move a little slower and we drink a lot of tea. It works you should try it.

Yes, we know how to speak proper English; believe it or not Dothan schools teach English as well as our colleges. We speak this way because we don’t want to sound like you.

Never try to fake a Southern accent, you can’t do it and we will laugh at you just like we did Dan Aykroyd in Driving Miss Daisy.

Misuse of the word Ya’ll is the first indicator of a Yankee faking a Southern accent. “Ya’ll” is always plural as well as it’s possessive “Ya’lls”. “You” and “Your” are used in the singular. Keep it straight.

A southern dialect will naturally creep into your speech. Most Northerners adopt “Big ole” first, as in “Big ole truck”, or “Big ole glass of iced tea”. Though most Northerners adopting a southern accent are in denial about this fact.

It is not wise to ridicule Southern manners. We say sir and ma’am. We seldom make a commotion in public, and we do our best not to be uppity. People who do not have manners weren’t raised rightnuff said.

Never try to explain to someone in Dothan how barbecue should be preparedyou might just end up in a pine box.

We refer to all of our females as ladies, and all of them are, even if you think otherwise.

We know that some of our older drivers have trouble keeping the car in the right lane of traffic. We never yell at them, we just shake our head and say “bless their heart” then say a silent prayer that they will get home safely.

If there is even the slightest prediction of snow, we will close all the schools and you must make your way to the nearest grocery store to buy milk and bread whether you need it or not.

We don’t care if you can drive in the snow, we deserve the time off and we’re going to take it.

You can ask anyone in Dothan for directions, but unless you know where things used to be you’ll continue to be lost. Case in point, “to get your new car tags, turn right at the First National Bank, go past the Houston Hotel and then the Greyhound Bus Terminal, it’s the tall building behind Dothan Federal Savings and Loan, if you get to the Supreme Ice Cream you went too far”.

If you wonder where everyone is on a Sunday morningwe’re in church. You are well advised to stay off the roads between noon and 12:30 on Sunday because the Baptists are trying to beat the Methodists to Piccadilly; it’s not for the faint of heart.

Never attempt to drive past the telephone company on the last date to pay the telephone bill. We park in the middle of the street to make payment regardless of the traffic needing to get by. Just accept it.

Fall marks the beginning of the social season in the south. Some southern cities begin by inviting a select few to very elite parties (e.g., Harvest Ball in Atlanta). In Dothan, we include everybody in the festivities; it’s called the Peanut Festival, same principle but a whole lot more fun.

In short, be respectful of old people, raise your kids right, find a good church, and let Dothan keep the charm it’s always hadthen we’ll all get along just fine.

Ya’ll Come!

David Zack Holmes is an Inspirational/Humor Writer telling his tales with a southern flair. To read other features see: http://www.davidzackholmes.com

Lord Almighty, A Christian Site

By Punkerslut

Jesus is lord! Wheee!!!!

So there I was, just cruising the internet looking for a batch
of pornography. I go to www.busty-amateurs.com, an old-time
favorite site, and what do I see!? No content, no join, no
free-tour (heh, what I used everytime), no news, just “Jesus
Christ is Lord.” And below that “Click Here for Freedom.” Yeah,
okay, so about this time, I was in the mood for some freedom. So
I hit that shit up, and it basically brought me to this weird
Christian site. I was like, “No, no, no, man, take me back, I’ll
hit up the Christ link,” and so, I go there, and am I indeed
amused. I see this weird site, www.settingcaptivesfree.com, and
I decide to watch the intro. To see it, go here…

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm

Yes, if you didn’t see it, let me describe it. There’s a jail
cell (I like how they did the neat designs for a small padlock)
and there’s writing on the walls. First, you have some of the
essentials, “Pornography,” and “Smoking.” Then some more of the
good ones with “Overeating,” and “Drinking,” and
“Homosexuality.” And then this dude just squatting on the floor,
with chains on his hands. And then boom! A cross blows up the
front door and flies through (padlocks aren’t very effective).
The dude smiles and it looks like he suffered a facial,
self-inflicted gunshot wound. I mean, it’s pretty rough, that’s
all I’m gonna say. He throws his arms at the cross and the end.
I’m not really sure what they’re trying to say, exactly. Is
overeating and smoking sinful? Probably. I mean, if you’re
Catholic, Presbytarian, or any other happiness-is-evil cult,
sure. Drinking is bad? Bah. A bottle of vodka made me felt more
euphoric than Jesus when I did believe in a god. Honestly, they
don’t ever say that Jesus feels better than alcohol, because
then the world would just totally stop taking them seriously (I
mean, even more so than now). Yeah, yeah, yeah… I could go on
mocking them for a long, long time. Instead, I showed it to a
whole bunch of people, and here are some responses…

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol Ely:
what Ely: what the hell is going on Punkerslut: lol Ely: That’s
the nicest dressed prisoner i’ve ever seen Ely: burn him at the
stake! Punkerslut: And so ugly.

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Megan:
wow. Megan: that is so inspirational.. Punkerslut: lol
Punkerslut: Man, I better cut back on my Homosexuality and
drinking. =( Megan: now i have the urge to handcuff myself and
wait for a huge gold cross to set me free! Punkerslut: Yay!!!!
Megan: very kinky Punkerslut: Man, this is so rough.
Punkerslut: God was at the door, “Have you been writing your
secret fantasies on my walls again?” Megan: very crazy.
Punkerslut: I’mma write an article about this. Megan: because
homosexuality is definatly a reason to be in jail Punkerslut:
looool Megan: i mean, homosexuality is soooo gay…

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Letter God: delightful Letter God: I hope jesus comes through
with the jail break if I ever get locked up Punkerslut: Yeah, he
never did that for me. =( Punkerslut: God was at the door, “Have
you been writing your secret fantasies on my walls again?”
Letter God: heh

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Richard: .. Punkerslut: lol Punkerslut: Isn’t that FREAKING
COOL!? Richard: no Richard: no it isn’t Punkerslut: Pffft, nerd.
Punkerslut: Sinner!

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm You’ll
LOVE this. Dan: oh man, that was so lame Punkerslut: lol Dan: he
should reject god and go look at some porn and shit Punkerslut:
Hell yeah. Punkerslut: And get drunk. Dan: yeah Dan: religious
people suck, like those that are heavy into it Dan: if you wanna
believe in god hey whatever, but some people take it too far for
my liking Punkerslut: Yeah.

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Caley: Mmm…..sacrilicious. Punkerslut: Oh, hell yeah.

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Darren: i dont get it Darren: ;p Punkerslut: It’s funny!
Punkerslut: He was…. the guy is….. there are things…..
awww, forget it. Darren: ohh Darren: nevermind i get it Darren:
;p Punkerslut: =) Darren: homosexuality was the best

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Jesus Is
LorD! WHEE! Derrek: yay Punkerslut: You’ll like that site.
Punkerslut: lol, trust me Derrek: oh geez this is beyond lame
Derrek: haha Punkerslut: lol, right Punkerslut: Man, I could get
drunk and watch this…. alllllll dayyyyyy….

————————-

Punkerslut: ETHAN!!!!! Ethan: hey Punkerslut: I just discovered
the coolest thing evar!!! Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Jesus Is
Lord! WHEE! Ethan: that was fun Punkerslut: lol Punkerslut:
Don’t tell me you didn’t like it. Ethan: it was absurd
Punkerslut: lol, it soooo was Punkerslut: Man, I’mma get drunk
and watch this a whole bunch of times! Ethan: ok

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol
Punkerslut: Okay. Punkerslut: WATCH! Glittering Insanity: ooooo
bondage. Glittering Insanity: muaha. Glittering Insanity: this
is making me upset. homosexuality is right up there with
violence and such. NYARGH. Punkerslut: WHAT VIOLENCE!?
Punkerslut: There’s drinking and overeating! Punkerslut: It’s
the wall of “Things To DO!” Glittering Insanity: oh. well. porno
then Glittering Insanity: lol! Glittering Insanity: pornography
smoking overeating drinking homosexuality Glittering Insanity:
that is the wall of things to do. Punkerslut: Yeaaaaaaap.
Glittering Insanity: well. if it said smoking pot. Glittering
Insanity: i dont want to smoke cigs. bad bad. Punkerslut:
Technicalities. Glittering Insanity: lol! Punkerslut: Man, Jesus
is awesome… Will you put me in handcuffs and break through the
door? Glittering Insanity: lol. Glittering Insanity: kinky
kinky. Glittering Insanity: is that site serious? Punkerslut:
lol, yeah Punkerslut: www.settingcaptivesfree.com Punkerslut:
That’s the funny part. Punkerslut: Man, this is never gonna get
old. Punkerslut: [replay] Glittering Insanity: PURE FREEDOM TOUR
Punkerslut: As Orwell once said, “Slavery is freedom, ignorance
is strength, war is peace.” Glittering Insanity: ….. they like
blue and yellow. Punkerslut: And white! Glittering Insanity: ..
and black. Punkerslut: And……. yellow. Glittering Insanity: i
said yellow!! >:o Punkerslut: [was already in Mexico by the time
you could respond] Glittering Insanity: lol. what the fuck.

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm
Punkerslut: WATCH THAT NOOOWWWWWW!!!!! The Plastic Jesus:
Alright. The Plastic Jesus: Aw, wtf! Punkerslut: loooool
Punkerslut: isn’t that coool!???????? The Plastic Jesus:
Totally. Punkerslut: There’s a flying cross! The Plastic Jesus:
Is that guy you? Punkerslut: Hey, fuck you! The Plastic Jesus:
lol Punkerslut: I’m not imprisoned by drinking… Drinking is my
liberator. Punkerslut: And don’t start with your, “It may seem
that way, my brother in Christ….” The Plastic Jesus: lol
Punkerslut: Man, they have an SWF on alcoholism. Shit, does
anyone think you can be an alcoholic WITHOUT being homeless? The
Plastic Jesus: lol, I’m not sure… and remember if you like
drugs you MUST be homeless! Punkerslut: True. The Plastic Jesus:
WTF, this site sucks. Punkerslut: lol

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm
Punkerslut: WATCH!!!! Punkerslut: Did you see it? John E: yeap.
Punkerslut: Oh, man. Punkerslut: Was that awesome, or what. John
E: I have no speakers, heh. Punkerslut: Aw. John E: so maybe. Punkerslut: There was crappy music in the background, is
all. Punkerslut: Besides, it’s an SWF! Punkerslut: With a flying
cross! Punkerslut: And…. homosexuality! John E: I wish I had a
flying cross. John E: Instead all I’ve got is an intense desire
to nap. John E: Damn that was smooth, be back in an hour, lol.

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm GO HERE
NOW! SymTrips: ugh WTF? Punkerslut: lol, wasn’t that awesome?
Punkerslut: Dude, now don’t told me that you haven’t felt
imprisoned by homosexuality, too. SymTrips: I wasn’t paying too
much attention to it… what was the message? Punkerslut:
Uuummmm, being gay with inanimate objects is okay with god.
SymTrips: o ok SymTrips: hahaha

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm lol,
this is the coolest! Rachel: OK Rachel: ill check it out in a
min. Punkerslut: CHECK IT OUT!!!!????? Punkerslut: lol, it’s
hilarious Rachel: since when wereu so religious Punkerslut:
lol…. I’m not Punkerslut: I think Christianity is a sham.
Rachel: o Rachel: lolic Punkerslut: And that little movie is the
most amusing ever. Punkerslut: Look! Pornography and drinking on
the same wall! It’s heaven! Rachel: ,lol Rachel: ya Punkerslut:
Man, I gotta find more people to show this video to. Rachel: lol

————————-

Punkerslut: Duuuuuude!!!!! Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm GO HERE
NOW! Uncouth Ranting: Oh dear. Punkerslut: lol Punkerslut: Isn’t
that great?

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Check it
out!!!!!! NiD: heeheeheeheeeheeheehee Punkerslut: WHATCHYA”
THINK~!? NiD: it’s hilarious Punkerslut: lol, it’s not as bad
when you’re drunk.

————————-

Punkerslut:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/flash_intro.htm Check it
out!!!!!!! Coincidence: What in the fuck was that? Punkerslut:
Wasn’t that the coolest!? Coincidence: If by the coolest you
mean the lamest. Punkerslut: How the hell do you masturbate with
handcuffs on? Coincidence: Oh, come on, dude! Use your
imagination! Coincidence: Ummm… Coincidence: Why did you send
this to me? Punkerslut: Why DIDN’T I send it to you?
Coincidence: Please… Must I answer that? Punkerslut: Well,
it’s funny, man. Coincidence: True, and in a way, sad.
Punkerslut: Don’t dwell on it too much. =( Coincidence: Why is
that guy on his knees at the end? Punkerslut: Well, he WAS
chilling out in a room that had the word “homosexuality” written
on the wall. [cough] And he had handcuffs on…. did I mention
he was in a room where “homosexuality” was written on the wall?
Coincidence: You did. Punkerslut: Oh.

————————-

Also, we respect your right to believe as you choose, but those
in the following religions are not allowed to become mentors
with Setting Captives Free: Muslims, Mormons, Jehovah’s
Witnesses, Catholics, Seventh-Day Adventists, Christian
Scientists or Unitarians.

– SettingCaptivesFree.com

www.punkerslut.com

For Life, Punkerslut

Did you know that according to research, children laugh about
400 times a day while adults only laugh about 15 times a day?
Some how, as we got older we lost the ability to laugh. Could it
be that putting more humour and laughter into our day will
improve our health and wellbeing?

In an article written by Drs. Gael Crystal and Patrick Flanagan
they stated that; “Scientists have found that laughter is a form
of internal jogging that exercises the body and stimulates the
release of beneficial brain neurotransmitters and hormones.
Positive outlook and laughter is actually good for our health!
More than ever, scientific evidence suggests that laughter
really is one of the best medicines.”

According to a study done by Dr. Tan from California’s Loma
Linda University Medical Centre, laughter can have a huge impact
on our immune system. The university conducted a study of
average adults. One group of adults was subject to an hour of
laughter through watching videos of comedians and another group
sat quietly out of earshot of the first group.

What did they find? Through regular blood tests carried out
during the comedy shows they found that the laughter group had
an increase in good hormones and a decrease in the body’s stress
hormone. Dr. Tan concluded that; “Laughter brings a balance to
all the components of the immune system.” Some clinics are now
using this information with their patients. They are using
laughter therapy to replace anti-depressants and to reduce the
use of painkillers. According to researchers faking laughter
will also produce the same health and wellbeing results as real
laughter.

Do you need to improve your ability to laugh more? Well here
are some tips from Family Scientist, Herbert G. Lingren to help
all of you, who are humour impaired, to add laughter and humour
to your everyday life. 1. Hang around funny friends, or better
yet, marry a funny partner. 2. Start looking for the absurd,
silly, incongruous activities that go on around you each day. 3.
Take a 5-10 minute humour break each day. Read jokes, add to a
humour notebook, and listen to a funny tape. 4. Rent a comedy
video, go to a funny movie, and watch humorous programs on
television. 5. If you hear a joke you really like, write it
down, or tell it to someone else to help you remember it.

My final tip would be to spend more time having fun with
children maybe you will catch a few hundred laughs off them!
Better still join a laughter club or start your own.

I call it the Pattaya Beach ‘Dawn Freak Show!’

If you’ve even been to Thailand, specifically Pattaya Beach, you
will already know there’s an unlimited variety of sights and
sounds to experience there. If you enjoy just relaxing and doing
some serious ‘people watching’, then without a doubt, this is
the place for you! Let me tell you now, if you can imagine it,
you can find it here.

Once I was on a submarine cable laying job in Thailand. Our
company was laying a sub sea [that’s underwater.. for you folks
that really need the basics] fiber optics cable that was to link
up most of the Southeast Asian countries with the USA and
Europe. Well, it was a hell of a job cause they had me put up in
a fairly nice hotel right there on the main strip in Pattaya
Beach. Hell of a job and hell of an assignment. LOL. Heck.. my
employer didn’t know it at the time but even if they would have
cut my pay to HALF of what my current day rate was - I wouldn’t
have left that job for anything.

If any of you readers out there that have had the pleasure to
visit Pattaya beach you will fully understand where I’m coming
from here. For those of you who have never been to Pattaya
beach.. well.. all I can say is there’s no shortage of beautiful
almond eyed ladies and bars there! I don’t even think it’s
possible to count all the bars there.. every type imaginable
that also comes with every type of lady imaginable also.

It’s just to hard for me to explain what exactly what Pattaya
beach is all about but one thing is for sure - a single male can
have a hell-of-a-good time there! There’s no denying that at
all. If you’re an able bodied male.. and you can’t get a girl at
Pattaya beach.. god have mercy on your soul. That’s about all I
can say for your sorry ass. LOL

Back to my main topic now.. so.. on this sub sea cable laying
job, sometimes I had to catch a boat out to the barge [which was
anchored about a few miles offshore there in Pattaya bay]. On
those mornings I would have to go down to the little bar on the
main strip and wait for the boat to come fetch me. This bar is
called the Marine Bar and it’s located right on the main strip.
Yup.. the Marine Bar was named after the good-ole US Marines!
cause during the Vietnam war era days they used to all go to
Pattaya beach for some good ole R&R [Rest & Recreation].

I would arrive at the Marine Bar about 5:30 am and wait for my
pick-up boat while watching the sun rise. I’ve always had a
favorite pass time of people watching.. and let me tell you.. I
had no ideal that people watching at sunrise on Pattaya Beach
could bring an entire new meaning to the word! This brought me
to an entirely different level! Incredible… I noticed several
different types of people there and I classified them into
several different crazy groups. Such as…

The All-Nighter’s (aka: Vampire Guys)

These guys are very easy to spot cause they usually are the most
loud and noticeable of the groups. These guys are the one’s who
have been up partying all night long and are still going strong
at it… maybe it’s because of the drugs they took earlier that
night.. who knows how they can do it. Oh.. they’re good at
partying and they do it every night to the maximum. They sleep
only around 10 or 11am and then wake up again around 6 or 7pm to
do it all over again!

Most of these guys are here in Pattaya on a short vacation and
they’re here for one reason and one reason only - to PARTY.. and
I mean, PARTY HARD! They’ve been working all year for this short
2 week vacation and they fully intend on packing in at least a
years worth of missed partying during their stay here. They only
go back to their hotel and pass out when their body is begging
for mercy and to get their batteries recharged for a few hours.
As soon as they wake up, it’s, “What the f**k are we doing
sleeping.. LET’S GO PARTY AGAIN!!”

Falang [Foreigner] Drunkards

These are the falang or farang.. [that’s ‘foreigner’ in Thai
language] guys who had obviously been out drinking [to much!]
and partying all night and didn’t even yet realize it’s already
the next day approaching. They are already so drunk but still
insisting to the bar waitress to, ‘give me another round’. By
now they are so totally wasted and clueless that nothing really
mattered to them anymore. The nothing that really mattered
anymore includes [but is not limited to] the following; a) The
Very Sexy Girl that they had earlier bar fined who was already
so tired and pissed-off with this drunkard that all she wanted
to do now was to go back to her bar and sleep. Sitting there
watching.. I felt sorry for these girls.. what a waste! b) The
bar waitress was even fed-up with these kinds of guys already.
The next drink she wanted to give this drunkard should have a
mickey in it so the guy would just pass out on the bar and be
done with it. She’d be doing him a favor.. believe me. c)
They’re so wasted that they’re about to pass-out on the bar.. at
which time any Thai thief or rejected Katoey will be able to
casually walk over and empty their wallets and pockets for them
[well.. at least then they wouldn’t have anymore money to pay
for anymore drinks so this would force them to go back to their
hotel to either sleep it off or.. get more money and come back!].

Last Call For Alcohol Girls

These are the girls that nobody wanted… not even the drunkard
above. These girls were totally ignored by so very many horny
foreigners and they haven’t a clue why. Perhaps the fact that
they’re ugly as sin may have had something to do with their
rejection. I don’t know.. just thinking out loud. But hey, even
ugly girls have feelings and they deserve to be loved also.
Anybody ever heard the saying, “I’ve never gone to bed with an
ugly woman.. but I’ve woken up with a few!?” LOL

Ok, so.. these not so pretty girls.. they’re still hopeful so
still staying out there on the streets.. hoping and praying that
some drunk or sucker or reject guy will grab them and bring them
back to their hotel rooms and make wild passionate love to them.

Pissed-Off & Rejected Katoeys

Now here’s a group you won’t find anyplace else in the world!
Only in Thailand do they have the most beautiful [and
sometimes.. not so beautiful] Katoeys! For those of you who
don’t know what a Katoey is, let me enlighten you. A Katoey is a
Ladyboy, HeShe, SheMale, Tranvestite.. you get my drift now.

Believe it or not.. they’re in big demand in Thailand. Many
foreigners [usually those old, bald, fat foreigner guys] love to
play in the sack with Katoeys! That’s a known fact [so please
don’t take offense if you’re reading this and you happen to fit
the Katoey liking description] LOL. Nothing personal guys. Hey,
just to be fair.. I’m sure there’s also some young, not-bald,
slim foreigner guys who also like to roll in the sack with
Katoeys [there.. you happy now?].

Now.. Katoey’s have feelings too.. and if you’re a totally
rejected Katoey you’re probably a bit pissed-off come morning
time. By this time of morning you can see rejection written all
over their faces.. and they’re none to happy about it either so
they’re still out looking.. praying.. hoping.. that they may
still have a chance to find a horny little fat and bald
foreigner guy to take them back to their hotel room and give
them a good … um…. rear-end screwing… with some payment
afterwards.. Of Course! How else are they going to make a
living?? LOL

So, folks, there you have it. Now you know exactly what the
Pattaya Beach Dawn Freak Show is all about so if you ever get a
chance to visit the place perhaps you can even join the show if
you’re still up partying at sunrise there. LOL

Enjoy!